The Beauty of Failure

Failure….. It’s one of those words that make most people cringe. In fact, failure is one of the top leading fears in the world. There are many reasons why people fear failure so much, each linking to an event, situation, or thinking pattern in their lives. The demand we put on ourselves to be perfect is high.  This is so common that there is that popular phrase: We are harder on ourselves than others. But why?  We all know that each one living on this planet is human and part of being human is making mistakes. And yet, we still demand perfection from ourselves.  The ironic thing is that perfection is unattainable in our human existence.  We are here to learn and part of learning includes failure.

I have loved to dance as long as I can remember.  There is a saying that goes something like: Dance like nobody is watching.  Well, that is exactly what I did.  In the privacy of my own home I’d dance and dance.  It was the perfect way for me to express my emotions.  After wanting to learn the technical skills of dancing my whole life, I finally signed up for a dance class as an adult six years ago- tap dancing.  I loved to dance in the class, but I also had a problem.  There were people watching.  For some reason I had it in my head that I wasn’t allowed to mess up. If I did then I was a complete failure which led to thoughts related to low self-worth. I had myself fooled that my secret was hidden so perfectly. The truth was…it wasn’t.

Failure is something we cannot hide.  It is something we all do and should do.  In fact, when we try to hide our imperfections we end up enslaved to the lies.  We have to continue to put on a “show” so that everyone will continue to believe we have no flaws.  But a human being with no flaws is a person who has done nothing with their life.  But that right there is a flaw too because we are on earth to live and grow.  Failures happens daily in varying degrees.  It is our decision how we want to react to them.  Walt Disney said something to the effect that failure may either drown you or shape you.  Essentially, it is your choice.

One of the ways we can break the chains of hiding our failures is to own them.  When we allow ourselves to show our mistakes we are free from the effects of worrying about what others think or say. In essence, we become real people. Our flaws are part of what gives us character and beauty.  It’s just like the black lines in marble stone.  Without the lines, the stone looks fake, almost plastic like.  Also, when we own our failures we develop a positive relationship with them.  They become a tool for learning. We can then grow as an individual.

A positive relationship with failure has many attributes to offer. It creates clarity, creativity, and confidence.  When we fail we can look at a situation and see what we need to do to change.  We develop creativity by thinking of new ways of addressing our challenge and build confidence because we are working to solve a problem rather than being stagnate. Thomas Edison is a great example of seeing failures in a positive light.  He failed at many attempts of inventing the lightbulb until he was successful. But he said that when you feel you have exhausted all possibilities to remember one thing: you haven’t.  There is always a way.

I believe the most valuable gift failure can give to us is experience.  Our experiences shape us into who we are.  We are forever changing, whether it be for good or bad.  Every day we wake up and have a day full of choices and opportunities.  We form opinions and learn something from everything we are involved in. Our failures become part of us.  They are engrained in our personalities.  As we learn from them, we are kept humble, learn to overcome fears, and build strength.  Our weaknesses eventually become our strengths while gaining empathy for those who are struggling with similar challenges.  Our hearts grow softer and we learn to love those we serve.  Failure is not meant to beat us down.  Rather, through experience with failure we become even more beautiful, knowledgeable, and loving.

My involvement in tap dancing has proven to be an experience with failure I will forever cherish. Last year I had the opportunity to start individual tap lessons. After a few months of struggling with some technical skills, my instructor videoed me dancing my routine.  Watching myself was meant to be a way I could see my mistakes so I would have a better idea how to fix them.  I took the video home promising to keep an open mind while watching (she knew me too well that I would come down on myself). That night I chose to own my failures instead of hiding from them. 

A few months later I performed my dance in front of many people.  I defiantly made some mistakes in my performance. But you know what?  I had the best time doing it.  My mistakes are more valuable to me than the steps I got right because they are the very experiences that are going to help me become a better dancer.

This past summer I had the opportunity to take a photography class.  I realized the pictures that are most beautiful are those that capture moments in real life- flaws and all. Life is made up of times of success and failure.  Everything has its opposite.  The gift in that is when we experience hard, excruciating times our successes become that much more exquisite.  We must change our thinking pattern from fearing failure to embracing it.  And it is only when we embrace it that we can receive the wonderful gifts it has to offer us. For failure is the gate to perfection.