One of the few inevitable things in life is change. There are many kinds of change. Some happen gradual. This is apparent in each of our lives as we grow older and learn new things. Our experiences transform and mold us into who we are today. Other changes happen suddenly, such as an illness, moving, or graduating from school or a program. Change can be internal or external. Good or bad. Some are big and others small. The point is, change is constantly happening in our lives in all its variety.
It seems that no matter how hard you try, things will change
around you. Some have found ways to deal
and even embrace it. But for many,
change is a hard thing to accept. It is a difficult and uncomfortable process.
So, they fight to stay the same. In
other words, they hold on to what they know.
I have found that both change and fighting to avoid change are stressful
in their different ways. But, change happens for a reason and if we fight to
shun the discomforts of change then we void the very reason change needs takes
place.
One change happened to me a little over 10 years ago. I was living in an apartment in the city,
working full time in social work, receiving care for a health issue, and going
to school to earn my teaching degree.
Life was busy but I was optimistic that all my efforts would one day pay
off. On a Friday in January, I went to lunch with a friend from work. He was a great friend and I looked forward to
our time together. We had so much fun at Cowboy Grub (our favorite restaurant)
but when we returned back to the office it was unusually quiet. I had that
sinking feeling in my gut (that one I’m sure we’ve all had) and knew something
was going on. My new boss asked me to come into his office where I also saw the
head of human recourses. They sat me
down and proceeded to tell me what was happening. The non-profit agency I was
working for decided they were changing the services offered and the program I
was supervisor over was dissolved starting immediately. I found out that while I was at lunch all the
other employees were laid off. I was the
last one. Human resources- treating me like I was now the enemy- walked me to
my office and watch me as I gathered my things, put them in a brown box, then
escorted me to my car. I felt degraded,
not to mention in shock. I had absolutely no idea that this was in the
works. It was an instant change that
dramatically affected my life. Not only did I not have a job so I could pay my
bills but my health insurance was also terminated. How could I afford medical care? I went home and had to think how I was going
to handle things. The anxiety was on
instant alert. I was thrown into change I did not choose. I had to make a
choice: would I sink or swim?
There are countless articles and quotes on how to change
ourselves to become better people. I
think this is because change is what leads to progression. We all know that it
is good for us and in order to grow, we must change. But sometimes when a
change happens (especially one we didn’t choose), the last thing we want to
hear is that it will be good for us. Something in our life was altered and it
is difficult to see how it can be good for us. The Webster’s dictionary defines
change as just that: to make something different or to replace with another.
Basically, what we are changing doesn’t stay, it is removed. I have found that
change is very similar to the grieving. When something changes, we must go
through a process in order to make sense of it. I think people don’t like
change because it is simply hard. The
process of change requires us to rewire our thinking and emotions to understand
what is different in our lives. Most of
the time this course takes time.
A Chinese proverb describes how change affects people. It
says: When the winds of change blow some people build walls and others build
windmills. I defiantly faced this predicament when I was laid off my job. I had
the choice to find a different route to accomplish my goals, to just give up,
or fight to keep things how I thought they should be. I learned it takes one or
all of the steps of grief to understand what changed in my life. Also, I knew
that if I were to build a wall it would only cause me to be bitter at what
happened. That does no good. In fact,
anger, if we allow it to consume us, will lead us on the path to destruction.
Walls also block other opportunities out. If we were to look at the saying
“When one door closes another one opens” and apply it to our wall, we would not
only close the door but we would bolt all the others doors closed to ensure
that nothing else gets through. In essence, we are denying the chance of
anything better to come along.
In order to allow ourselves to build “a windmill”, we must
allow humility to enter into our hearts. Humility is the quality of being
humble. Ezra Taft Benson, a great leader, said, “Pride is concerned with who is
right, humility is concerned with what is right.” When change happens, we must
let go of any negative feelings we experienced and focus on what is right.
Humility doesn’t mean we are weak or passive.
That is what the world wants us the think. Humility shows strength because we are
showing we can manage our own feelings.
It gives us power to choose then do what is true. We can adjust to any
change in our life because our eyes are open to what is right, not who is
right.
In addition to understanding the good change can bring to
our lives, we must also understand that not all change will benefit us. Because of human error, pride, greed, and
selfishness, among other reasons, some change can challenge our way of living.
Some change may have the appearance of looking good but when seen in the eyes
of truth it is only there to drag us down. When faced with these circumstances,
we must turn to what we know is good and true.
We must never abandon our morals and values to adjust to what the world
sees as good change.
So, how do we know if change is good or bad? Humility. It is the first (I believe the most important)
step to seeing change as it truly is. However, it is only one of the valuable
tools we must be armed with in order to understand any kind of change and learn
from it. These tools come in a variety.
They include support, experience, education, and service. Socrates said,
“The secret to change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but
on building the new.” These other tools help us “build the new.” The good new. They
help us build our windmill. If I was going to move on and adapt to my new life,
I needed to find a way to move forward. Not focus on what once was.
As a kindergarten teacher, I read numerous stories to my
students. Some teach me great lessons and I often reflect on their
message. One book that impressed me is
called little tree by Loren Long[i]. It starts out, “Once there was a little
tree….filled with little leaves….” This tree, who lived in a forest, grew very
attached to his leaves. He loved that
they kept him cool in the summer and attracted animals to keep him
company. The little tree was optimistic
that he was going to grow to be a strong healthy tree. However, change happened…autumn. Even through the leaves on the other trees
changed colors then fell off, the little tree decided to hold tight to his
leaves. He was scared to let go. The seasons and years changed but the little
tree still hung on to his same leaves. Meanwhile,
the other trees had grown new leaves and were also growing taller and
stronger. But the little tree stayed the
same. The story goes on, “Little Tree
looked up at the other trees, at their branches reaching high into the sky. He
remembered when the trees had all been his size. And he let go.” When the tree finally let go it was winter…
the harshest season. But in time, the
little tree grew and he too became big and strong.
What an amazing transformation the little tree went through
when he finally decided to let go. No,
it wasn’t easy. But after time, he was
able to reach the potential he so optimistically saw in himself. Butterflies,
like the little tree, show what beauty can come from the process of
change. If they stayed the same, they
would forever be caterpillars whose only job in life is to eat. But as they allow the process of change to
occur in their lives, they become beautiful insects. These insects are not only
beautiful in appearance, but they are also beautiful in their purpose. Instead of just taking, they now give back to
nature. They help flowers continue their
life cycle through their ability to pollinate.
As I look back in my own life, I see the process of change
that started with the tragic even of being laid off. That change led to other changes that were
also difficult but necessary for me to get to where I am today. It opened the
door to do my internship that semester, the last step required in order to
enter into the teaching program and begin my student teaching. At the end of the summer that year I had to
move back home (being in my thirty’s, this was a hard blow to my self-esteem).
But it allowed me to develop an amazing friendship with my mother that I will
forever cherish. It also allowed me to
save up for my own home. I now am
blessed with a great teaching job and a beautiful home… all because of change.
Although change is difficult, it is necessary. The purpose of this life is to learn and
grow. The only way for growth to happen
is through change. Humans (I’m very
guilty of this) put up walls to protect themselves from the harsh winds of
change. What we don’t realize is that the very wall we built isn’t protecting,
it is only prohibiting. Humpty Dumpty teaches us a great lesson. When he sat on the wall, he fell. The wind
can be a force for good if we let it. It can give us power to do things we
never imagined possible. Let’s leave our
walls down and build windmills instead.
