If you are anything like me, life can overwhelm you to the point where you shift into survival mode. It seems that once you are in survival mode, it is very hard to get out because life keeps throwing stressors at you from every angle. All you can do at this point is defend yourself from the darts. And sometimes, when you feel all you can do is survive, good things can feel like darts too.
I have an amazing opportunity to be a presenter at professional development conferences for teachers in my district this year. I love to present and share my ideas. My district recently held a conference where I presented in four of the six sessions. There was a buzz and excitement to the experience that rapidly drained my already limited emotional reserves. Life has felt chaotic lately and I have had stressors hit me in all areas. It's resulted in expending more energy then I perceived to maintain my daily life. Well, I knew things were catching up with me when during the last presentation I hit a brick wall. It seemed like the only thing I could think of to kept me functional was to rely on the routine of the presentation. I didn't realize how drained I truly was until I returned home and found myself in an emotional state. It was one which causes you to roll up in a ball when the next little bit of stimulus hits you. It came just shortly after sitting down to relax in the form of an article I read from a church magazine. It was supposed to be uplifting but it had just the opposite effect on me. It left me depressed, anxious, alone, rejected, overwhelmed and above all, unloved. I felt guilty that something meant for good could trigger such negative feelings.
Life now days has positioned us to have these types of experiences more often. We are told by society that we must be superman or superwomen to make any kind of impact on the world or to have any kind of purpose. And then when we can't handle all the pressure, we have our melt downs.
I think that sends a message that we aren't receiving: SLOW DOWN, BREATH, and then SIMPLIFY. It's not that we are weak or unable to get things done. Rather, I don't think we are meant to take on the world. I don't think we should require ourselves to be that superbeing we expect from ourselves. However, I do believe that life is meant to be tough. If we didn't do hard things we could never grow.
Just say this to yourself: I CAN DO HARD THINGS!
Peter, the chief apostle, first met Christ when he was a fisherman. He was unlearned and untrained in the things he would soon be required to do. He had much doubt and disbelief at times. And just like all of us, his personality flaws got in the way of communicating the true desires of his heart. Peters greatest desire was to follow Christ. He wanted more then ever to be a disciple of his Master and act on his faith and desire to come unto him.
After Christ fed the five thousand, he asked his apostles to go into the boat and wait while he "sent the multitudes away." (Matthew 14:22) Christ then went up to the mountains to pray into the evening. While Peter and the other apostles were waiting for Christ, the waters in the sea became rough. The Sea of Galilee often experienced high winds and rough waters. Since Peter was a fisherman he had spent much time on this sea. Thus Peter was familiar with the situation. Yet, it was still a storm and a lot to handle. Then if the storm wasn't enough to worry about, the apostles looked out on the sea and saw someone coming towards then.
"And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.
But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer, it is I; be not afraid." (Matthew 14:26-27)
What happens next is what sets Peter, the unlearned flawed fisherman, apart from the rest. His faith was manifested in his actions which allowed a miracle to take place. Peter was called by Christ to come to him. And he, being just like all the others, was afraid. However, he was enabled to walk on the water, as Christ did, only because he had a willing heart to act and follow his Master.
"And he said Come. And when Peter was come down out the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?"(Matthew 14:29-31)
I find myself in the position Peter found himself in. I have all the faith I need until I notice the winds and then doubt sets in and I sink. And just like he did with Peter, the Savior stretches out his hand and offers to save me from my lack of faith- from drowning.
Nobody knows for sure how far Peter walked out onto the water before he sank. And the scriptures do not expound how they got back to the ship. However, one can only assume that they walked back to the ship together. We can only go so far on our own. However, when we walk hand in hand with the Savior we can always do hard things. We can always do things that we never thought were possible.
In his experience with Peter, Christ showed us how to love. I notice that when things in life get too overwhelming, my biggest need is to be told that my feelings are valid. I need to know that even though I am afraid, I am still loved. I need to know that I am still a good person even though I mess up or falter. This is hard to see when in a state of survival. My sight gets narrow and all I see are the darts coming straight towards me. I have learned, however, it is imperative to not allow fear to hinder my faith. Even though I feel I have no strength during these times, I know that through small acts of faith I have just enough strength to stretch forth my hand to come unto my Savior. This is when I recognize the Savior and those around me were showing they loved me all along. I just didn't see it.
There is a poem that I think of often when I'm feeling alone called "Footprints". The unknown author describes the man in the poem feeling the most alone during the hardest times of his life. When he inquired the Lord why this was so, the Lord replies:
My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
When you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you.
The Lord will never leave you. He is there, just as he was for Peter, waiting for you to stretch forth your hand that he may save you. It is always there without price but it takes faith and hope to see the pure love the Lord will always have for you.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weakness, and I will show unto them that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me- the fountain of all righteousness." (Ether 12:27-18)
When we are humble, meek and come unto Christ, we are blessed to truly feel of his great and pure love.
Moroni taught:
"Wherefore, my beloved brethern, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen." (Moroni 7:48)
We must always remember to face our fears head on knowing that Christ is beckoning us to come unto him. It is through trials that we are humbled and get to truly feel the love he has for us. Yes, Peter had his flaws and shortcomings. However out of all the men on the ship, Peter was the only one who had enough faith to brave the storm and come unto Christ. His love for and faith in Christ allowed him to do what no other mortal had done: walked on water. And even though he doubted along the way, Christ still loved him. There is something about a hardship that humbles us enough to transform us. Through that transformation we are made pure and in the process gain a deeper relationship with our Savior. He knows the pain and hardship each one of us experiences. He felt it himself. Above all, he loved us so much that he chose to become subject the the ultimate sacrifice and die for all mankind that we might choose to follow him and partake of the precious give of eternal life.
When life is overwhelming and you are numb to the love that family, friends and Christ have for you, please know that just because you don't see it doesn't mean its not there. Pure love never hinges on your level of perfection or how much you can take on at one time. We are loved because we are valued to one another. And if we, being mortal with flaws, can love greatly, just think of how much your Savior loves you, he being perfect.
