Understanding Competition in this Experience Called Mortal Life

There is a quote about competition that goes something like this: “A competitive person is always a winner. An uncompetitive person is always a loser.” Hummmm…. I don’t know. Does that mean that in order to be somebody in this unpredictable world that I must compete with others? Maybe I’m crazy but I actually love to see people succeed. Maybe that’s why I chose to be a teacher. But, honestly, my attitude wasn’t always like that. There has been a lot of work, understanding and experiences in-between then and now. And if you really think about it, crazy has nothing to do with refraining from “out doing” another. Rather, it’s all about our view.

This world is full of competition.  We learn it at a very young age and it seems to intensify as we get older. Maybe it’s because we feel, just as the quote implied, we must have the best car, biggest house, highest education, “happiest” family, and busiest life. And you know, the list doesn’t stop there. But why? Why do we strive so hard to be the “best”? Maybe, for some misguided reason, we think that if we are not the best (the only acceptable place to be) then we are less than. Or worse… a nothing.

Wikapedia describes competition as: “a contest or rivalry between two or more entities, organisms, animals, individuals, economic groups or social groups, etc for territory, a niche, for scarce resources, goods, for mates, for prestige, recognition, for awards, for groups or social status, or for leadership and profit. It arises whenever at least two parties strive for a goal which cannot be shared, where one’s gain is the other’s loss.”[i] So, needless to say, competition is everywhere in our lives and actually has a place in society that serves a purpose. Our society, in fact, thrives on competition. Just look at the advertising industry, for example. Not only does it bring about more businesses but it also encourages the possibility of widening the choices for consumers and getting what they want for the price they want.

The right amount and type of competition is good when done with a healthy frame of mind. Sports, for example, is a great place to teach kids that in life some win and others loose and how to roll with it. I teach my kinder students that when we put in our best effort, it’s ok to not always be the first.  This allows kids to look at their strengths and build on those while improving weaknesses. Competition communicates that we all have different talents and varying degrees of abilities within our talents.  

There is a great parable about three men who had varying degrees of skill. The first man was quite talented and put forth much effort to increase his talent. His effort paid off and was able to double his ability.  The next man was moderately talented. He also worked hard, and likewise, increased his ability twofold. The last man was a beginner.  He was worried about not being as talented as the others and decided to not put forth any effort. Something very different happened to this man because of his choice. Not only did he not increase his ability, but he lost it.  The first two men knew how to use their resources to make improvements in their talent.  The last man sadly was so concerned about his lack of ability compared to the other two that in the end, he lost his.

The last man in this parable describes how many, including myself, have turned competition into a way to compare ourselves in a negative, degrading way. We take those comparisons and rate ourselves as bad, good as, or better than someone or something else. We then use that rating and attach a price tag to ourselves.  It, in essence, becomes the definition of how we measure our worth.

About 20 years ago, I was headed to the beautiful county of Austria to serve the people in a 1 ½ year adventure. I talked to a good man named Nolan Karras the day before I left. He told me (or rather warned me) to not compare myself to others. I thought that was an interesting warning and I took it with a grain of salt. Looking back, it was very wise counsel I should have taken seriously.

I spent the next several years of my life comparing myself to others, without truly understanding what I was doing. I compared my talents, personality, opinions, and body to others.  I always took the less than side of the comparison as I looked at others as better than me.  I simply was not good enough from my viewpoint.  Not only did I believe it, but I also lived it.

I became like the last man in the parable. I chose to keep any part of myself to, well, myself.  I had talents, but never shared them fearing that I wasn’t good enough. I was under the impression that being quiet was a “bad” personality trait. So, I never shared my opinions because I didn’t think they mattered. And to make matters worse, I simply had to have the same type of body as many of my friends or what society deemed as “beautiful” because maybe then people, or more specifically guys, would like me. As a result, depression, eating disorders, anxiety issues, and other self-esteem issues created a pit I had unknowingly dug myself into. It always seemed that I tried to figure things out but they never worked because they didn’t turn out how I thought they should. I measured my worth from my standpoint and it didn’t seem like I was worth much. Many unhealthy views seemed to prove my point because I looked at others and they always seemed to be “winning” in life. I was throwing a pity party for myself and didn’t allow others to help.

My story is more common than some may think. Maybe you have similar story. I relate to a story about the people in Ancient America who experienced competition and all the consequences that came with it. The people lived in a land of peace for a while. They taught that everyone should love his neighbor as himself. They had to learn to love themselves so they knew how to love others. There was no need to try and out do another because everyone was doing their best and that was good enough.

The people were greatly blessed because of their way of living. Naturally, some started prospering more than others. Competition starting creeping in because they compared themselves to each other. Some thought they were better than others and started flaunting it by wearing costly clothing. Others lived a life of jealousy and took offence to those with more wealth. And still others withered away into isolation because they didn’t feel good enough. As a result, there was a separation among the people. This separation started causing great contention and ended up leading to war. Their lives, just like mine, were headed toward destruction all because they allowed comparison and competition to twist their view of themselves and each other. This led to unhealthy and incorrect behaviors and ideas. And in the process of destruction, they determined value on themselves and each other.

Life overall is a tough experience. However, just like the Ancient Americans showed us, when we feel loved or valued among our friends and family it becomes a peaceful and joyful experience. The world has an interesting view on value. They throw competition in the mix. In order to be considered valuable, we have to live up to then surpass what others have set as desirable. As mentioned earlier, the value of something in the marketing and advertising industry is controlled by competing products or services. In essence, the value is determined by how much we are willing to pay for something. So, here is the question: Is the value of something, like a loaf of bread, and a person, like you and me, determined the same way? Well, yes and no.

An eternal law is that the laws of justice and order are set. Or in other words, nothing can ever be destroyed.  We can reorganize the elements but they never go away.  Therefore, everything comes from something. The reorganization of the elements is what attaches value or price to the object. However, unlike a product such a loaf of bread, there is no comparison in price between each of us as people. It therefore takes the need for competition out of the equation. Let me explain. Take bread for example. If a person were to buy a loaf of organic bread that was made from wholesome ingredients with no fillers, they would pay more than for a loaf of sandwich bread made from white enriched flour and other things we can’t pronounce. That is because the ingredients from the organic bread costs more to produce and is hard to come by than the ingredients of the sandwich bread. The consumer who buys the organic bread is willing to pay the higher price because that is what the consumer wants in a bread.

We, people, are different. Because we make mistakes and sin, we were in need of someone willing to pay the price for our weakness in order to be saved from destruction and at the same time become who were are potentially meant to become. The great thing is that no matter our mistakes we were all bought with the same price. Each one of us was seen as most valuable.  There was no comparison in ingredients because the unique qualities in each person is equally important in the grand scheme of the eternities.  I compared myself with others not really understanding what I was made of. But the reality is that each and every one of us is priceless. We were bought with the priceless blood of our Savior. And if someone as amazing and important as our beloved Savior is willing to sacrifice himself to pay for our eternity… our eternal potential, than that makes every soul great because we could only be bought by someone who is not only great but perfect: our Savior.  He knew that our ingredients have the potential to be just like Him because we are all sons and daughters of God.

We are not meant to compete for our worth. Our worth is already set. Instead, we must only compete with ourselves as a way to improve and better ourselves. L. Tom Perry said, “You are not competing with anyone else. You are only competing with yourself to do the best with whatever you have received.” Life is a journey. Nobody’s life follows the same path because we all have different experiences that will help us be better people. It is those experiences that will help refine and better us to eventually gain the characteristics needed to be like our Savior.

I am living my own life to the fullest with my own trials, failures, and successes.  I have learned that when others are successful that doesn’t take anything away from my value.  They are living life to their fullest.  And that is cause to celebrate. Just like the three men in the parable, we are all given different talents of varying degrees.  I hope I will always remember to be like the first or second man.  They worked hard to increase themselves without worrying about trying to be better than others. I think when we support and love each other we all end up winning in this crazy thing called mortal life.   

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[i] Retrieved at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Competition on January 31, 2019.

How I Manage Anxiety by Taking Pessimism Out of My Thinking

Worrying is a problem in my life.  I am learning to manage my anxiety but sometimes it comes when I least expect it.  Each person suffering from anxiety has their own triggers that set them off.  Mine? I worry about the future.  I guess you could say that I am more pessimistic than optimistic.  And yes, it has created issues in my life that have taught me great, yet much needed lessons.

I recently experienced events that triggered some major anxiety.  Actually, to the level that I never experienced before.  I had my first panic attack after being involved in a car accident.  I have always been very cautious on the road.  Trust is an issue for me and I don’t trust other drivers.  I look in my rear view mirror often to make sure the other driver is an adequate distance from me. Usually when I am the passenger I tend to be more at ease.  But, ironically, that is when the accident happened. A friend and I were having a conversation and all of a sudden… BOOM… we were rear-ended.  My worries had become reality.

This accident was the cake topper for a few other negative experiences I’ve had the last few months including dealing with my own health issues. I had been feeling sick for a while and I just wasn’t getting better.  And because I tend to be more pessimistic, my mind went into irrational thinking patterns.  To add fuel to the fire, I made a wrong choice and researched online (not just once but I kept going back) some of the symptoms I was experiencing. Of course, the worst case scenarios came up at the top of the Google search. That sent me through a loop. 

I was so worried that I had some dramatic disease that would possibly disable me or worse, take my life.  You see, I recently saw my sweet dog Simon all of a sudden become paralyzed after having some back pain. And earlier in my life, my father found out he had cancer in his later 50’s and ended up passing away just a year and a half later. I was scared that something was going to happen to me also.  These thoughts gave me nightmares. And, the times I was awake, I was worring.  The thoughts affected my daily living.  They created an imbalance in my life. The reality was that I was just fine.  Nothing that a little rest, time, and the right medications couldn’t fix.

Anxiety is something you can’t just shake.  The mind is in a fight or flight state and the body does what it needs to in order to survive. It is normal and even healthy to experience occasional anxiety.  It is a type of stress that pushes us to get things done and work through traumatic events.  It helps us to solve problems and even reveals what is most important to us. We should be anxiously engaged in good causes. “But you may experience anxiety that is persistent, seemingly uncontrollable, and overwhelming. If it’s an excessive, irrational dread of everyday situations, it can be disabling,” says the Anxiety and Depression Association of America.[1] Being stuck in this frame of mind is miserable. I have found that when I am in a state of anxiety, I lack truth.  My mind has an outlook based on ideas that are assumed, not proven.  When I find myself viewing life from this perspective, I have learned the remedy is one simple word: faith.

We know that faith is things that are hoped for that are true but not seen.  In my case, I get anxious when I fear what the future might bring based on certain negative experiences.  So, I guess you could say that my faith wavers at times. But, honestly, that is part of being human and something we are learning to strengthen. In my journey with faith, I have learned that it is a product of hope and trust.  Without hoping for then trusting in what is true, we cannot have faith. 

Faith takes a lot of effort.  In fact, it is an action. To have faith, we must do things in our control to show that we trust what is true and real.  For example, we have faith each night we go to sleep that the next day will come because we set our alarm to wake up.  Or, we have faith that we will pass an exam because we prepare for it by studying. When we take these action steps we are taking control over our situation. We are removing the fear and replacing it with faith.  Fear causes misery and anxiety.  But faith is the optimistic approach to living life based on truth.

Faith is not something we wake up one morning and say to ourselves, “Today I will have faith” and then expect to be anxiety free.  No, just like anything in life that is good, it takes time and lots of practice. I am learning to take experiences and see them for what they really are.  Just because something bad happens (life is full of hardships) does not mean that the worst case scenario will be the result of it. Instead, I know I can take the next step to move things in a better direction. I become the agent of control over the situation instead of being acted a pone.

I have also learned that just because something is hard now doesn’t mean that it will say that way forever. It is irrational to think that change will never occur.  Change is a part of life.  We always have control over how we will react to change and what we will do about it. (I talk about that in more detail in another article I wrote called Change is Inevitable… Do you build a wall or a windmill?) But thinking optimistically then acting a pone it certainly helps reduce anxiety when dealing with negative experiences.  I heard about the interesting difference in behavior between cows and buffalo at a conference I recently went to.  They teach an important lesson regarding the storms of in lives and how to deal with them.

Colorado has a beautiful landscape that has both the mountains from the Rocky Mountain Range and plains the Kansas Plains.  Because of this unique landscape, there are a few places where both cows and buffalo live in close proximity. Many storms come through Colorado and the cows and buffalo act completely different.

The storms roll from west to east.  When the cows see a storm they are scared and try to run away from it.  They do their best to avoid it but we all know that cows are not very fast.  What happens is that the storm eventually catches up with them.  They end up running with the storm and therefore suffering the pain and frustration of the storm longer.

The buffalo, on the other hand, does just the opposite.  When they see the storm coming, they run towards the storm and face it head on. Since they are running the opposite direction, the amount of time they must endure the same storm as the cows, including the pain and frustrations that goes with it, is shortened.

I have lived much of my life running from the storms, just like the cows. I do my best to avoid situations and while trying to avoid them I am caught in a world of worry and pain.  My anxiety rises.  But, I am learning to take the example of the buffalo. When I find truth in what is happening and do all I can to solve the problem, I am act like the buffalo.  I reduce my anxiety and therefore experience less pain and sorrow.

Anxiety is a real issue that many people suffer with.  It is scary and full of uncertainty.  However, I believe that just like many physical ailments we can heal.  Life is full of many beautiful and pleasant experiences.  Even the “winters” of our lives can be beautiful if we learn to see it.  Faith is the key to taking pessimism out of our lives and managing our anxiety.  Through faith, we can heal.    

Worrying is a problem in my life.  Pessimism, a contributor to my anxiety will always surface now and then. But the joy is that I get to do something about it. Winnie the Pooh teaches that when we look on the brighter side, life is always more pleasant and therefore easier to manage. Sure, anxiety will not completely go away.  If it did, that would cause an imbalance too.  But I can choose to think more optimistically and live in the present. Like Winnie the Pooh says, “Today is my favorite day.”     

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[1] https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety

What the beauty of winter taught me

Winter has always been painful for me.  The cold hurts and I get nervous from driving in the snow.  But I remember something that someone told me last year.  It has been on my mind now and then but especially when winter arrives.  This person said if you don't like something, look for the good in it.  Do things that are fun. So, that is what I did. The other day I went up the mountain to take some pictures of the snow.  I took a photography class last summer and I wanted to practice and have fun taking a few shots of the scenery. I saw winter in a different light.  It truly is beautiful in it's unique way.  I came to the Pineview Reservoir and saw this beautiful shot.  So, I took a few.  My mother suggested I submit some pictures to the KSL weather photo contest.  I thought about it and the next day I sat down at my computer and chose my favorite ones.  Later that night, I received a text from my sister stating that my photo had been featured on the KSL 5:00pm weather.  I couldn't believe it.  I had just submitted my photo just hours before.  I looked on line and sure enough, there it was.  I am so grateful for the risk I took.  It reminded me that you never know what might happen.  You just have to try.

A clip of the weather report when my photo was featured.

Joy: The Light of the World

Since I was young, one of my favorite parts of celebrating Christmas is the lights.   They make me feel so happy.  I love to see the lights that decorate trees, yards, and streets.  I started thinking deeply about this tradition last year, since every tradition has a reason.  Why lights at Christmas?  And, do they have a significant piece explaining the true meaning of Christmas?

Many of us know the character the Grinch in the story “The Grinch that Stole Christmas” by Dr. Seuss. In the story, the Grinch was very concerned about the good feelings that came from Christmas.  He being, well, a Grinch, didn’t want anything to do with good feelings.  After failing at stealing Christmas, the Grinch realized that Christmas doesn’t come from a box.  It doesn’t come from a bag.  The Grinch said it himself, “Maybe Christmas means just a little bit more.”  To me, that “little bit more” comes in the symbol of the lights.  In fact, the lights are the whole reason for Christmas.

So, what is light? Light is the agent that stimulates our vision to make things visible. So, of course without light, we couldn’t see anything. Objects are visible to us when the light reflects off them and enters our eyes. In a completely dark room, there is no light and thus no stimulation. The neat thing is, light and dark cannot exist in the same space.  If there is the tinniest of light, it starts the process of defeating darkness. Light is a valuable resource we use every minute of every day.  We need it in more ways than just one.

The sun, the greatest natural source of light, does more than give us light.  It warms our beautiful earth and its sun-rays give us a much needed vitamin to lift our mood: Vitamin D.  The sun is a literal source of happiness. Without it, we have feelings of depression, sadness, and hopelessness. And speaking as a person who has been there, this is not a desirable place.  But sadly, our world makes us think that we should get our source of happiness from places that don’t produce real happiness.  They can actually cause more depression if we rely solely on them because most of the sources are temporary.  The Grinch thought Christmas came from the store. The world thinks we can get joy from similar places.  I like to call them the Three P’s: possessions, positions, popularity.

The dark place where only temporary happiness is found is undesirable to most. Scrooge in The Christmas Carol lived there a good portion of his life. His soul, the combination of the spiritual and physical being, was deficient in spiritual Vitamin D. This spiritual Vitamin D, the true source of joy to our soul, is love.  In fact, without the light of joy, our thinking enters a different kind of reality.  The kind of reality that stops us from making any kind of progress.  Because, you see, without light we cannot see.  And when we cannot see we have no direction.  If there is no direction, we do not move.  And when we do not move…. we are stagnate. 

So, the question is, how do we get that love?  How do we find the light?  How do we find true happiness?  First, we need to stop striving to get it from the wrong places.  We need to stop worrying about what we have... our possessions.  After a short time, those fancy, new, fun things become old and worthless. As long as we have the resources to fit our needs then that should be enough. 

My sister Susan told me of an experience that happened to her while living in Ukraine:  There was an elderly lady who woke up one morning to find she did not have any food in her cupboard.  So, she did the only thing she knew how.  She went to a field to pick wild flowers so she could sell them where most people would pass by: the metro.  She planned to buy food with the money she earned.  Most people passed her by.  Wild flowers did not interest them.  But when Susan saw this woman, she stopped.  She asked the lady what she would do once she sold her flowers.  The lady replied, “I will go home.”  So, Susan bought the flowers knowing she was helping a little old lady help herself.  The lady didn’t have the fanciest car or clothes.  In fact, she was barley getting by.  But with work, she had what she needed.  And for her, that would be enough.  Susan was blessed with enough money to help her out.  And for her, that brought happiness.

We also need to stop worrying about positions. We live in a competitive world.  We feel that in order to be somebody we must have an important position. How false that is! Yes, we need to work hard to accomplish goals and reach our dreams.  But that doesn’t mean we need to all be successful businessmen or any other high ranking profession or position in any other area of our lives. What it does mean is that each one of us must be the best “me” we know how. We are all unique.  We all have different gifts and talents.  We ALL have something important to contribute to the world. 

There is a story called Giraffes Can’t Dance written by Giles Andreae and Guy Parker-Rees. It is about a giraffe named Gerald who doesn’t know how to dance.  The other animals make fun of him when he tries.  Of course, Gerald felt defeated at the thought of even trying.  That is until a cricket came along and told him, “Sometimes when you’re different you just need a different song.”  And with that Gerald found his song.  He found a way to dance.  And when Gerald felt good about what he had done, the other animals noticed. They said, ‘“How did you learn to dance like that? Please, Gerald, tell us how.” But Gerald Simply twirled around and finished with a bow. Then he raised his head and looked up at the moon and stars above. “We all can dance,” he said, “when we find music that we love.”’  We need to find what we love. We need to find our own song.  And when we do, then we can dance.  Or in other words, we all have a beautiful life to live.  We just need to find our talents and abilities to make it beautiful.

And lastly, we need to stop worrying about our popularity.  Social media has made it harder to tackle this quest.  The more views or likes we get on a post seems to send the message that we are liked and accepted among our “friends”. And then, of course there is the social seen where you must have many friends. And if you don’t… well then the world sends the message: Looser! And if we don’t do what our friends do, well then forget about being accepted. But Christ, the very reason we celebrate this wonderful holiday, showed us that we don’t need to be popular to be happy. We just need a true relationship with Him because He, Christ, is the light of the world.  He, and everything about Him, is what true happiness encompasses.  He loved even though he wasn’t loved in return.  He served even though He was spit upon. He did what was right even though the Pharisees told Him He was a sinner.  Was Christ popular? No.  And still isn’t. But He is the greatest source of happiness that the world doesn’t recognize.

I recently wrote the words to a song called Through HisEyes that describes how, through Christ, we can be happy. The end summarizes what He, through the Atonement, has done for us:

Our Savior gave us eyes to see

He gave us the gift of charity

I must see me through His eyes

Only then can I see my capability

Christ gave us the beautiful gift of charity, pure love.  He gave us the capability to love others without limitations.  He gave us the ability to see ourselves and others as He sees all and do what He knows we can do.  When we love and see others and ourselves through the eyes of our Savior Jesus Christ, we find the light that only comes from Him. We find the source of joy, our spiritual Vitamin D, which we all yearn to have.

No, Christmas or joy does not come from the store.  It doesn’t even come from fame or world success. Joy, real everlasting joy, comes from Christ who is the light of the world.  And to me, the true meaning of Christmas is just that, Christ. And every year at Christmas time when I see lights on the tree, I think of my Savior who was born so long ago and what He did for me that I too might have joy.  When announcing the birth of the Savior to the shepherds, the angle said, “For behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.”

Through His Eyes

Hard Things and Why They Bring Us Happiness

Many if not all of us have heard the famous English expression: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going,” And if we haven’t heard that, then for sure we have been told to “Suck it up, baby!” a time or two. Life for sure can throw us a curve ball. And just like that expression suggests, the curve ball can comes when we least expect. To me, that is what makes the hard things in life, well, just plain hard. But, those hard things are just the things we need to bring us joy.

Exactly five years ago I was in the worst physical pain I have ever been in.  I ruptured a disk in my back and the fluid was pressing on my spinal cord. Later, just before I had surgery, I found out I was headed toward paralysis. Over the course of a few months, the pain became worse. My back would go into muscle spasms and I literally didn’t know what to do with my body.  No matter how I turned or moved the pain would not go away.  Nighttime became the dreaded part of my day.  The pain seemed ten times worse. Plus, the darkness seemed to mock me as if to say, “You didn’t want sleep anyway.” Needless to say, life was throwing me a curve ball that I desperately wanted no part of.

Was this experience hard for me? Absolutely yes! I honestly didn’t know how much longer I could endure the pain, both physically and emotionally. But the thing is, I didn’t give up.  I kept searching for ways to fix my problem. The happiness I felt when I woke up from surgery and felt no pain is beyond words. I was blessed and learned a few things that would help me in the future. About two weeks ago my dog Simon was having some back pain. (They say the dog and the owner are similar….he he he ) That night, I was reading in bed and my other dog, Jack, was adjusting and kicked Simon.  I heard a yelp. In the middle of the night I woke up to find my poor Simon paralyzed. This horrific experience happened on top of other stressful events I am currently battling. With this new trauma, I didn’t know if I could handle anymore. But, because of my own experience with back problems, I was equipped to make some tough decisions for my dog… all in faith.

I’m sure we have all had a similar experiences where we didn’t know if we could last one more minute enduring a difficult situation or we didn’t know if we could handle adding one more thing to our plate. We are taken to the breaking point. When we get to this point we have two choices: we can push just a little bit harder or we can allow ourselves to break. It is a choice.

My marching band instructor in high school would always tell us to reach deep down inside and give just a little bit more.  I didn’t realize how much that would prepare me for life in more ways than one. (Thanks Mr. Wayman!) I have found that the place where you reach down and give just a tiny bit more (because most of the time that is all we have left) is the place happiness emerges.

In a marathon, runners come to a point where they have to reach down and find, then use, any extra gumption they might have.  I found this out when I ran the 2010 marathon in Los Angeles, California. In the race, it was all me. Sure, I had my brother, sister, and mother to cheer me on. But it was me who had to move my legs. Most people when they enter a marathon have one goal: to finish. They know they will not be the first to cross the finish line or even be the superstar. They just want to show themselves that they could do something hard. That was my goal.  I started out so excited. With each passing mile, I increasingly became more and more tired. But isn’t that how it is with most challenges we take on? At first we have all the faith in the world.  We believe we can do it… that is until we get tired. This is when we make a critical choice: either quit or finish. By the time I hit mile 22, I was done.  I had nothing left in me, or so I thought.  I wanted to sit and never get back up. In fact, I wanted someone else to pick me up and take me home. But for some reason, I kept going.

The process of a marathon is often compared to the process of life. T. Allen Armstrong said, “Champions do not become champions when they win the event, but in the hours, weeks, months and years they spent preparing for it.”  Just like a marathon, life is work. In fact, we are supposed to work. This work is preparation for becoming greater than we could ever imagine. Also, the work we do now prepares us to fight even tougher battles ahead. Because of my personal experience with back issues and the complications that come with it, I was able to take care of my poor puppy (he is my world). You see, it is one thing to take care of yourself but you become a far greater person when you take care of someone else. You are putting them before yourself. This doesn’t come naturally to people. We usually have to experience the hard to learn it. The true and pure joy comes in taking care of, or serving, another.

It is an interesting concept to think that to find joy we must experience pain. This concept, opposition in all things, is an absolute truth that creates diversity, choice, and progression. Without bad there wouldn’t be good.  Without pain there wouldn’t be joy. Without hate there wouldn’t be love. Without hard there wouldn’t be easy. Both sides of the opposition has a purpose. And because of opposition, more choices are created. And more learning is possible.

Think of opposition as a pendulum that swings back and forth. Each side of the pendulum is each opposite. The further the pendulum swings on one side the further it will swing on the other. This creates greater capacity.  Our growth broadens and we become capable of deeper feeling and more doing. Just as a marathon runner digs down and pushes a little bit hard, he becomes stronger from the pain. And thus, the running eventually becomes easier. When it comes to hard things, the more we have to figure out and endure, the better we will be when it comes to that really hard thing down the road. The more pain we experience, the more we will be capable of deep love towards others- that is if we choose to not let that pain destroy us.

The joy I felt when I crossed the finish line is indescribable. I worked so hard to train for my 26.2 mile journey. And I learned that I can do hard things. Following my marathon there were a couple experiences in my life that have been some of the hardest things I have had to face. They hit me to the core. These “hard things” have made me step back and examine what life is all about. I have and am still gaining a new view on the grand skein of what really is important. One of my relatives, Neal A. Maxwell, was diagnosed with Leukemia in his later years. He said he often wondered why he had to face such a difficult trial in his life.  Surly cancer cannot lead to happiness. And yet, being the wonderful person Neal Maxwell was, he proved that it can. He said that he knew he had to experience leukemia so that he could empathetically teach people. You see, there was a reason for his leukemia. An important reason. There was a lot of hard work and pain involved but the purpose would bring comfort to others and to him as he served. His comfort would come in perspective of the eternities. He said, “Such glimpses of eternity can help us travel the next 100 yards, which may be very difficult.” Our purposes are bigger than this life alone. There is eternity to consider. And the eternities is where most of our joy will be found if we do the “hard things” now.

So, does that mean we are only meant to suffer through the hard things just so we can get to the joys later? Absolutely not. Joy comes in the journey.  It comes in our attitude and faith.  It comes with love towards others and ourselves. It comes in doing good to others and being kind to ourselves. We are meant to have joy in every minute of every day. 

The hard things in life are meant to give us experience. Just like in the purpose of opposition, we need to feel the pain so we can feel the joy. Those hard things are what make us in to amazing people, if we let them. Learn from experiences. It will benefit your future and your happiness. Simon taught me some amazing things through this trail he is facing. He keeps a positive attitude, knows what he can handle, and is not afraid to ask for help. He tries hard each day to recover and has fun in the meantime (he loves to bark outside, chew his squeak toy, and snuggle in blankets). Most of all, he shows me love everyday. He forgets about himself and is kind to those who matter most to him. Is this trial hard for Simon? I’m positive it is. But, he is finding joy in his journey. And to him, that’s what makes him truly happy.

Change is Inevitable...Do you build a wall or a windmill?

One of the few inevitable things in life is change. There are many kinds of change.  Some happen gradual.  This is apparent in each of our lives as we grow older and learn new things. Our experiences transform and mold us into who we are today.  Other changes happen suddenly, such as an illness, moving, or graduating from school or a program.  Change can be internal or external. Good or bad. Some are big and others small. The point is, change is constantly happening in our lives in all its variety.

It seems that no matter how hard you try, things will change around you.  Some have found ways to deal and even embrace it.  But for many, change is a hard thing to accept. It is a difficult and uncomfortable process. So, they fight to stay the same.  In other words, they hold on to what they know.  I have found that both change and fighting to avoid change are stressful in their different ways. But, change happens for a reason and if we fight to shun the discomforts of change then we void the very reason change needs takes place.

One change happened to me a little over 10 years ago.  I was living in an apartment in the city, working full time in social work, receiving care for a health issue, and going to school to earn my teaching degree.  Life was busy but I was optimistic that all my efforts would one day pay off. On a Friday in January, I went to lunch with a friend from work.  He was a great friend and I looked forward to our time together. We had so much fun at Cowboy Grub (our favorite restaurant) but when we returned back to the office it was unusually quiet. I had that sinking feeling in my gut (that one I’m sure we’ve all had) and knew something was going on. My new boss asked me to come into his office where I also saw the head of human recourses.  They sat me down and proceeded to tell me what was happening. The non-profit agency I was working for decided they were changing the services offered and the program I was supervisor over was dissolved starting immediately.  I found out that while I was at lunch all the other employees were laid off.  I was the last one. Human resources- treating me like I was now the enemy- walked me to my office and watch me as I gathered my things, put them in a brown box, then escorted me to my car.  I felt degraded, not to mention in shock. I had absolutely no idea that this was in the works.  It was an instant change that dramatically affected my life. Not only did I not have a job so I could pay my bills but my health insurance was also terminated.  How could I afford medical care?  I went home and had to think how I was going to handle things.  The anxiety was on instant alert. I was thrown into change I did not choose. I had to make a choice: would I sink or swim?

There are countless articles and quotes on how to change ourselves to become better people.  I think this is because change is what leads to progression. We all know that it is good for us and in order to grow, we must change. But sometimes when a change happens (especially one we didn’t choose), the last thing we want to hear is that it will be good for us. Something in our life was altered and it is difficult to see how it can be good for us. The Webster’s dictionary defines change as just that: to make something different or to replace with another. Basically, what we are changing doesn’t stay, it is removed. I have found that change is very similar to the grieving. When something changes, we must go through a process in order to make sense of it. I think people don’t like change because it is simply hard.  The process of change requires us to rewire our thinking and emotions to understand what is different in our lives.  Most of the time this course takes time.

A Chinese proverb describes how change affects people. It says: When the winds of change blow some people build walls and others build windmills. I defiantly faced this predicament when I was laid off my job. I had the choice to find a different route to accomplish my goals, to just give up, or fight to keep things how I thought they should be. I learned it takes one or all of the steps of grief to understand what changed in my life. Also, I knew that if I were to build a wall it would only cause me to be bitter at what happened.  That does no good. In fact, anger, if we allow it to consume us, will lead us on the path to destruction. Walls also block other opportunities out. If we were to look at the saying “When one door closes another one opens” and apply it to our wall, we would not only close the door but we would bolt all the others doors closed to ensure that nothing else gets through. In essence, we are denying the chance of anything better to come along.

In order to allow ourselves to build “a windmill”, we must allow humility to enter into our hearts. Humility is the quality of being humble. Ezra Taft Benson, a great leader, said, “Pride is concerned with who is right, humility is concerned with what is right.” When change happens, we must let go of any negative feelings we experienced and focus on what is right. Humility doesn’t mean we are weak or passive.  That is what the world wants us the think.  Humility shows strength because we are showing we can manage our own feelings.  It gives us power to choose then do what is true. We can adjust to any change in our life because our eyes are open to what is right, not who is right.

In addition to understanding the good change can bring to our lives, we must also understand that not all change will benefit us.  Because of human error, pride, greed, and selfishness, among other reasons, some change can challenge our way of living. Some change may have the appearance of looking good but when seen in the eyes of truth it is only there to drag us down. When faced with these circumstances, we must turn to what we know is good and true.  We must never abandon our morals and values to adjust to what the world sees as good change.

So, how do we know if change is good or bad? Humility.  It is the first (I believe the most important) step to seeing change as it truly is. However, it is only one of the valuable tools we must be armed with in order to understand any kind of change and learn from it. These tools come in a variety.  They include support, experience, education, and service. Socrates said, “The secret to change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” These other tools help us “build the new.” The good new. They help us build our windmill. If I was going to move on and adapt to my new life, I needed to find a way to move forward. Not focus on what once was.

As a kindergarten teacher, I read numerous stories to my students. Some teach me great lessons and I often reflect on their message.  One book that impressed me is called little tree by Loren Long[i].  It starts out, “Once there was a little tree….filled with little leaves….” This tree, who lived in a forest, grew very attached to his leaves.  He loved that they kept him cool in the summer and attracted animals to keep him company.  The little tree was optimistic that he was going to grow to be a strong healthy tree.  However, change happened…autumn.  Even through the leaves on the other trees changed colors then fell off, the little tree decided to hold tight to his leaves.  He was scared to let go.  The seasons and years changed but the little tree still hung on to his same leaves.  Meanwhile, the other trees had grown new leaves and were also growing taller and stronger.  But the little tree stayed the same.  The story goes on, “Little Tree looked up at the other trees, at their branches reaching high into the sky. He remembered when the trees had all been his size. And he let go.”  When the tree finally let go it was winter… the harshest season.  But in time, the little tree grew and he too became big and strong.

What an amazing transformation the little tree went through when he finally decided to let go.  No, it wasn’t easy.  But after time, he was able to reach the potential he so optimistically saw in himself. Butterflies, like the little tree, show what beauty can come from the process of change.  If they stayed the same, they would forever be caterpillars whose only job in life is to eat.  But as they allow the process of change to occur in their lives, they become beautiful insects. These insects are not only beautiful in appearance, but they are also beautiful in their purpose.  Instead of just taking, they now give back to nature.  They help flowers continue their life cycle through their ability to pollinate.

As I look back in my own life, I see the process of change that started with the tragic even of being laid off.  That change led to other changes that were also difficult but necessary for me to get to where I am today. It opened the door to do my internship that semester, the last step required in order to enter into the teaching program and begin my student teaching.  At the end of the summer that year I had to move back home (being in my thirty’s, this was a hard blow to my self-esteem). But it allowed me to develop an amazing friendship with my mother that I will forever cherish.  It also allowed me to save up for my own home.  I now am blessed with a great teaching job and a beautiful home… all because of change.

Although change is difficult, it is necessary.  The purpose of this life is to learn and grow.  The only way for growth to happen is through change.  Humans (I’m very guilty of this) put up walls to protect themselves from the harsh winds of change. What we don’t realize is that the very wall we built isn’t protecting, it is only prohibiting. Humpty Dumpty teaches us a great lesson.  When he sat on the wall, he fell. The wind can be a force for good if we let it. It can give us power to do things we never imagined possible.  Let’s leave our walls down and build windmills instead.

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[i] Long, Loren. (2015). Little tree. New York: Scholastic.