There is a quote about competition that goes something like
this: “A competitive person is always a winner. An uncompetitive person is always
a loser.” Hummmm…. I don’t know. Does that mean that in order to be somebody in
this unpredictable world that I must compete with others? Maybe I’m crazy but I
actually love to see people succeed. Maybe that’s why I chose to be a teacher.
But, honestly, my attitude wasn’t always like that. There has been a lot of
work, understanding and experiences in-between then and now. And if you really
think about it, crazy has nothing to do with refraining from “out doing”
another. Rather, it’s all about our view.
This world is full of competition. We learn it at a very young age and it seems
to intensify as we get older. Maybe it’s because we feel, just as the quote
implied, we must have the best car, biggest house, highest education,
“happiest” family, and busiest life. And you know, the list doesn’t stop there.
But why? Why do we strive so hard to be the “best”? Maybe, for some misguided
reason, we think that if we are not the best (the only acceptable place to be)
then we are less than. Or worse… a nothing.
Wikapedia describes competition as: “a contest or rivalry
between two or more entities, organisms, animals, individuals, economic groups
or social groups, etc for territory, a niche, for scarce resources, goods, for
mates, for prestige, recognition, for awards, for groups or social status, or
for leadership and profit. It arises whenever at least two parties strive for a
goal which cannot be shared, where one’s gain is the other’s loss.”[i]
So, needless to say, competition is everywhere in our lives and actually has a
place in society that serves a purpose. Our society, in fact, thrives on
competition. Just look at the advertising industry, for example. Not only does
it bring about more businesses but it also encourages the possibility of
widening the choices for consumers and getting what they want for the price
they want.
The right amount and type of competition is good when done
with a healthy frame of mind. Sports, for example, is a great place to teach
kids that in life some win and others loose and how to roll with it. I teach my
kinder students that when we put in our best effort, it’s ok to not always be
the first. This allows kids to look at
their strengths and build on those while improving weaknesses. Competition communicates
that we all have different talents and varying degrees of abilities within our
talents.
There is a great parable about three men who had varying
degrees of skill. The first man was quite talented and put forth much effort to
increase his talent. His effort paid off and was able to double his ability. The next man was moderately talented. He also
worked hard, and likewise, increased his ability twofold. The last man was a
beginner. He was worried about not being
as talented as the others and decided to not put forth any effort. Something
very different happened to this man because of his choice. Not only did he not
increase his ability, but he lost it.
The first two men knew how to use their resources to make improvements
in their talent. The last man sadly was
so concerned about his lack of ability compared to the other two that in the
end, he lost his.
The last man in this parable describes how many, including
myself, have turned competition into a way to compare ourselves in a negative,
degrading way. We take those comparisons and rate ourselves as bad, good as, or
better than someone or something else. We then use that rating and attach a
price tag to ourselves. It, in essence,
becomes the definition of how we measure our worth.
About 20 years ago, I was headed to the beautiful county of
Austria to serve the people in a 1 ½ year adventure. I talked to a good man
named Nolan Karras the day before I left. He told me (or rather warned me) to
not compare myself to others. I thought that was an interesting warning and I took
it with a grain of salt. Looking back, it was very wise counsel I should have
taken seriously.
I spent the next several years of my life comparing myself
to others, without truly understanding what I was doing. I compared my talents,
personality, opinions, and body to others.
I always took the less than side of the comparison as I looked at others
as better than me. I simply was not good
enough from my viewpoint. Not only did I
believe it, but I also lived it.
I became like the last man in the parable. I chose to keep
any part of myself to, well, myself. I
had talents, but never shared them fearing that I wasn’t good enough. I was
under the impression that being quiet was a “bad” personality trait. So, I
never shared my opinions because I didn’t think they mattered. And to make
matters worse, I simply had to have the same type of body as many of my friends
or what society deemed as “beautiful” because maybe then people, or more specifically
guys, would like me. As a result, depression, eating disorders, anxiety issues,
and other self-esteem issues created a pit I had unknowingly dug myself into.
It always seemed that I tried to figure things out but they never worked
because they didn’t turn out how I thought they should. I measured my worth
from my standpoint and it didn’t seem like I was worth much. Many unhealthy
views seemed to prove my point because I looked at others and they always
seemed to be “winning” in life. I was throwing a pity party for myself and
didn’t allow others to help.
My story is more common than some may think. Maybe you have
similar story. I relate to a story about the people in Ancient America who
experienced competition and all the consequences that came with it. The people
lived in a land of peace for a while. They taught that everyone should love his
neighbor as himself. They had to learn to love themselves so they knew how to
love others. There was no need to try and out do another because everyone was
doing their best and that was good enough.
The people were greatly blessed because of their way of
living. Naturally, some started prospering more than others. Competition
starting creeping in because they compared themselves to each other. Some
thought they were better than others and started flaunting it by wearing costly
clothing. Others lived a life of jealousy and took offence to those with more
wealth. And still others withered away into isolation because they didn’t feel
good enough. As a result, there was a separation among the people. This
separation started causing great contention and ended up leading to war. Their
lives, just like mine, were headed toward destruction all because they allowed
comparison and competition to twist their view of themselves and each other.
This led to unhealthy and incorrect behaviors and ideas. And in the process of
destruction, they determined value on themselves and each other.
Life overall is a tough experience. However, just like the
Ancient Americans showed us, when we feel loved or valued among our friends and
family it becomes a peaceful and joyful experience. The world has an
interesting view on value. They throw competition in the mix. In order to be
considered valuable, we have to live up to then surpass what others have set as
desirable. As mentioned earlier, the value of something in the marketing and
advertising industry is controlled by competing products or services. In
essence, the value is determined by how much we are willing to pay for
something. So, here is the question: Is the value of something, like a loaf of
bread, and a person, like you and me, determined the same way? Well, yes and no.
An eternal law is that the laws of justice and order are
set. Or in other words, nothing can ever be destroyed. We can reorganize the elements but they never
go away. Therefore, everything comes
from something. The reorganization of the elements is what attaches value or
price to the object. However, unlike a product such a loaf of bread, there is
no comparison in price between each of us as people. It therefore takes the
need for competition out of the equation. Let me explain. Take bread for
example. If a person were to buy a loaf of organic bread that was made from
wholesome ingredients with no fillers, they would pay more than for a loaf of
sandwich bread made from white enriched flour and other things we can’t
pronounce. That is because the ingredients from the organic bread costs more to
produce and is hard to come by than the ingredients of the sandwich bread. The
consumer who buys the organic bread is willing to pay the higher price because
that is what the consumer wants in a bread.
We, people, are different. Because we make mistakes and sin,
we were in need of someone willing to pay the price for our weakness in order
to be saved from destruction and at the same time become who were are
potentially meant to become. The great thing is that no matter our mistakes we
were all bought with the same price. Each one of us was seen as most valuable. There was no comparison in ingredients
because the unique qualities in each person is equally important in the grand
scheme of the eternities. I compared
myself with others not really understanding what I was made of. But the reality
is that each and every one of us is priceless. We were bought with the
priceless blood of our Savior. And if someone as amazing and important as our
beloved Savior is willing to sacrifice himself to pay for our eternity… our
eternal potential, than that makes every soul great because we could only be
bought by someone who is not only great but perfect: our Savior. He knew that our ingredients have the potential
to be just like Him because we are all sons and daughters of God.
We are not meant to compete for our worth. Our worth is
already set. Instead, we must only compete with ourselves as a way to improve
and better ourselves. L. Tom Perry said, “You are not competing with anyone
else. You are only competing with yourself to do the best with whatever you
have received.” Life is a journey. Nobody’s life follows the same path because
we all have different experiences that will help us be better people. It is
those experiences that will help refine and better us to eventually gain the
characteristics needed to be like our Savior.
I am living my own life to the fullest with my own trials,
failures, and successes. I have learned
that when others are successful that doesn’t take anything away from my
value. They are living life to their
fullest. And that is cause to celebrate.
Just like the three men in the parable, we are all given different talents of
varying degrees. I hope I will always
remember to be like the first or second man.
They worked hard to increase themselves without worrying about trying to
be better than others. I think when we support and love each other we all end
up winning in this crazy thing called mortal life.
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