The Dalai Lama said something very wise about how we treat
one another. He said, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If
you want to be happy, practice compassion.” But in a world and culture where we
focus mainly on ourselves, compassion is last on the docket of things to try,
especially when you are searching for happiness.
Early in his ministry at the Sermon on the Mount, Christ
taught, “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.”[i]
Mercy is something that is rarely given by others in this lifetime. And only
those who are aware of its effects can truly give it as a gift. Trials in my
own life have helped me to more completely understand what mercy and compassion
are. Learning to help others in need is an attribute that not only helps me be
happy through the hardships life deals out but at the same time helps others as
well.
I have learned that trials always come, especially the
hardest ones, when I least expect them. But as I’ve thought about it, this the
beauty of the whole predicament because we get an opportunity to refine
ourselves when we otherwise would never have taken that chance. I mean, think
about it. Who wants to deal with
challenging things anyway? About 10 or 15 years ago one such opportunity
presented itself to me. At first it was no big deal. But as time passed and things got worse the
humbling process began. I was ashamed, embarrassed, and heartbroken of what I
was dealing with. I didn’t feel like anyone understood. At one point I was even
harshly judged over things I could not control. I wanted my trial to go away
and never return. But, ironically if it did I would have thrown away the
opportunity to learn the personal need for compassion in the true sense.
I have realized that I am not alone. There are others out
there dealing with the same issue. I have learned my struggles do not define me
as a person. I understand a little bit more why people act as they do. The
other day I was talking with a friend who voiced her concern about the
struggles of a mutual friend. She said that she was worried because this friend
does not let others know about what she is going through. Understanding the
situation because I have acted similarly to my trial, I finished her
thought….”Because she just wants to feel normal.”
It is very natural to want to feel “normal”. But what is normal? I think a better
description, since we all are so different and normalcy is only defined by
those who judge, is that we just want to be loved, accepted, and supported. I mean, life is hard enough. The best way I have found to accomplish all
three is through compassion.
Compassion is when you demonstrate true, pure charity. This is when you are kind, loving,
serviceable, believing, and patient. We
don’t need to investigate or pry. When
people feel compassion and are ready, they will naturally open up. In the
musical Camelot, King Author describes his dream of a better world, “Violence
is not strength, and compassion is not weakness.”
Compassion does not require the empathy of a situation. It only requires the action of allowing
another to feel their burdens lighter because you were willing to openly show
love for them. One day, not too long ago, I went to an elderly lady’s home to
drop something off. In my heart I knew she did not get too many visitors. Now,
those who know me well understand I am not one for long conversations. But as
we concluded the business part of our conversation, I knew I needed to stay for
a while. We had a lovely conversation. I
was able to get to know this wonderful lady and the beautiful things she does
for others. I was able to set aside my own agenda and instead show compassion
by fulfilling a need for a sweet lady that more people need to get to know.
In her book, A Single Voice, Kristen M Oaks, said, “We need
to make time to spend with other people. Too much time alone allows us to dwell
on our problems and weaknesses and to magnify them. We can lose perspective and
begin to wallow in our personal problems…. Viewing our highly sophisticated
society with its often-fleeting relationships and our lack of concern for one
another, Mother Teresa said, ‘The biggest disease today is not leprosy or
cancer or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted, uncared for, deserted
by everybody.’”[ii]
Every month I have the great opportunity to go to a foot
zone therapist and work towards healing not only my body but my soul. As we
were talking about a specific heartache in my life, she compassionately gave me
some words to say to myself each day: “I allow myself to give and receive love
freely. I am safe to be open and generous with love.” Compassion is just
that. It is freely giving love to those
who need it. It is putting aside our own
desires and allowing others to feel comfort in their time of need. It is ultimately
acting as Christ does and showing mercy to those who are struggling.
Thomas S. Monson said, “We have no way of knowing when our
privilege to extend a helping hand will unfold before us.”[iii] Just like the trials in our own life can
refine us into better people, compassion can do the same. We just need to take
the opportunity.
When we show mercy and compassion to others, it will come
back to us tenfold. I have learned when
I show pure compassion to others it not only blesses their lives but mine as
well. I change my mindset from “me me me” to “let me do this for you”. In a
world centered on one’s self, it may seem that compassion is one of the last
things we should try to make our mark in society. But it is interesting, the
more you show kindness, love, patience, and acceptance to others the better
this world will become. And that itself is a strength that leaves a beautiful
mark.
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