It seems that lately I have been a little more sad than usual.
These emotions have not been pleasant for me and I have feared being a nuisance
to those around me. However, I believe my feelings have been necessary because they
are enabling me to heal from a few emotional battle wounds that have resurfaced.
Then if that isn't enough emotional charge, my body is trying to find a new
normal after surgery. I guess I’m a bit of a mess but I don’t think I’m the
only one who gets into these slumps. Many of us find ourselves in a ditch (or
sometimes a hole) where your mood is off and you just don’t feel like yourself.
And sometimes we just face really tough trials that put us through a tailspin
and we need to get our footing again.
Just about everyone has heard or even said to someone else, “I
know how you feel!” But do we really? Or have we just gone through similar
motions? Each one of us have experiences
that can be similar to another, however, the main thing that makes them
different are the emotions that are felt. So if we are not sure how someone is
feeling how can we mourn with
them? I think this is why many of us
morn for another instead of morning with them.
Rather than exercising our empathy we resort to giving a list a tasks to
someone that they can try. Or better
yet, we tell someone to let them know when or if we can do anything for them.
In the dictionary the word “with” is defined as, “accompanied by”.
The word “for” is defined as “with the object or purpose of”. To put it in other words and then compare,
with means that you are going about it together and for means to accomplish
something without the help of the other.
There is a time and a situation for each of these actions to take
place. Babies, for example, are helpless and are unable to feed
themselves. So, as caregivers we pick up
the spoon and place the food in their mouths. We are doing it for them.
However, our goal is to allow them to feed themselves. We are expected to gain
experiences and learn in this mortal life. The Lord told Joseph Smith in the
Liberty Jail, “Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience,
and shall be for thy good.” (D&C 122:7) The Lord expects us to start to do
things on our own and figuring things out for ourselves that we may gain
experience. However, that doesn’t me we
should be all alone in our efforts.
Alma, a Book of Mormon prophet, was a former priest of the wicked
King Noah. His heart was touched by the
words of Abinidi and was converted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. After he fled
the king’s house, he preached to a group of people at the Waters of Mormon. He
taught them the first principals of the gospel then as he started to wrap up
his teaching he says:
“…and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear on another’s burdens, that they may
be light:
Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; and comfort
those that stand in need of comfort…”
Many take these two verses and separate them as if the Lord is
asking us to do two different actions: do it for them and do it with them. However, as I have looked and studied further
in the words of the prophets in the Book of Mormon, I have learned that this scripture
only focuses on the one action: with. In other words, we must allow others to
have the experience while we support.
These days it seems to be asked to morn with another person is
asking a lot. Many times I have thought that I have my own mountain of issues
and that nobody is coming to my rescue. I’ve wondered why I have to take on
another’s problems when it feels at times I can’t even handle my own.
But then it hit me. It’s
not about me or my problems or all that I have to do. It’s about love. It’s about learning to be
like Christ.
In John we read the shortest and one of most love filled
scriptures: “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35). Of course Christ in his magnificent way
was authentically teaching us how to mourn with others. He was teaching us how
to show love to those who need it.
Martha knew that she could call upon Jesus when she needed help.
So, that is what she did when her bother Lazarus died. Martha brought Jesus to
Lazarus’ grave where they met up with Mary.
“When Jesus therefore saw her weeping and the Jews also weeping
which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled.
And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord come
and see.
Jesus wept.
Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!” (John 11:33-36)
Christ knew that Lazarus was ok. He understood perfectly the plan
of salvation and the need for death. He also knew the power which he possessed
and that he had the ability to raise Lazarus from the dead. However, he also
understood that with death comes pain. He understood that these sweet people were
sad. So he, being full of love, wept with them. He allowed them the experience
to be sad and grieve. Then, he allowed them the
opportunity to act in faith and see the glory of God. (See versus 38-40)
Our Heavenly Father knew this life would be hard. He knew we would face challenges and
experience unpleasant emotions. However, without great sadness we would never
know what true joy is. Alma the younger tells his experience of feeling
exceeding joy only after he experienced pain. He said:
“…what joy, and what marvelous light I did beheld; yea, my soul
was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!” (Alma 36:20)
Heavenly Father knew that going through all the pain that we are
required to in order to gain experience would be unbearable. So, he blessed us
with each other and asked us to morn with
each other. He doesn’t want us to take the pain away. Rather he wants us to
bear another’s burdens and morn with them. He wants us to comfort one another.
So what does that mean?
Simple.
Just like Christ did, we cry with them. We listen to them. We are there if they need
a movie night on the couch or a night out. We love them. We are interested in
them. And mostly, we acknowledge and value their feelings because our feelings are
real. Our emotions are what make up our unique experience. They make us into
who we are.
The other day I was having a bad day. There was something on my mind that caused me
to doubt my course of action. While talking to my sister, she told me something
that changed my thinking. She reminded me that we all have our own
journey. We all have to figure our own
lives out.
She is right. We do have our own journey. And life is made out of
a bunch of choices that only we, ourselves, can make. However, we are not alone
in our journey. We get to morn with others and they get to mourn with us. We
get to help their burdens become lighter while they help ours. And through that,
our relationships grow. We get to experience great joy together because we knew
great sorrow. Then our relationships become stronger, deeper, and authentic.
They are the kind of relationships that is described in charity.
“And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is
not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil,
and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things,
believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” (Moroini 7:45)
If we incorporate charity in all we do, especially when we mourn with others, it will never fail. For
charity is the pure love of Christ and that is a love that endures forever. (See
verses 46 and 47).
